Archive for August, 2011

On Rebirth, Hurricanes and Sacred Cows

This blog was originally launched as nothing more than a sad, sad ripoff of Cracked.com’s format. Actually, R&D, development cycle, and production of this site can really be summed up with the following conversation:

Pat: “Man, my article got rejected by Cracked again. Something about being “too disturbing” and “not funny at all”.
Russ: “Yeah, mine too.”
Pat and Russ: “..You wanna just make our own crappy WordPress blog and post lists?”

The idea was to post lists organically whenever they popped into my head, but I–and I think Russ–sort of imagined it “organically” happening about 2-3 times a week. Well, since I haven’t “organically” had one original idea for this website in over two years, I’m changing the format a little bit. In that my entries will no longer HAVE a format.


And randomly clumping together popular topics to form comedy wasn’t coming into fruition as nicely as it does for Seth MacFarlene.

Yep, just what the Interwebz needs: Another directionless, banal stream-of-consciousness from someone who’s most advanced education in creative writing is taking Writing Workshop class in high school twice because the teacher liked me so much she let me skip class all the time.

(Oh, this is the part where I’m supposed to assure you that this will somehow be different? …………..That’s exactly what this is going to be.)

Now that that introduction is out of the way, how about that WEATHER, eh guys? (A general purpose blog talking about the weather…this is web traffic gold!) Seriously though, Hurricane Irene is getting ready to power through the east coast, and as consequence we get some of the most blatant scare-mongering the news has to offer. I usually think both liberals and conservatives blow the whole “mass media is just a tool to scare you into watching their shows” thing out of proportion, but this storm has made me a believer.

According to The Weather Channel, we here in Boston are in the “EXTREME” category as far as mass-murdering potential Irene has, which is one small step below “CATASTROPHIC” (CAPS LOCK engaged–by TWC, not me–to EMPHASIZE how TOTALLY SERIOUS this is, you guys). When a major news outlet starts using DDR difficulty levels as an indicator of srs bsns, you know BSNS has gotten SRS.

Extreme is one thing, but if this thing makes it to Step-Step Mode, I might have to bow out of the next round.

“Did he really just reference Dance Dance Revolution?”

We have a new guy at work, straight from India. He’s a cool dude, but he has kind of a weird habit. Any time we get food, he gets the most RIDICULOUS thing he can possibly find, and then right before he’s about to sink his teeth into it, he freaks out, overtly concerned that there is beef or pork products in it. So instead of having a little taste or even just closely inspecting it, he enlists one of the people in our department to taste it and tell him exactly what’s in it. The first time I saw this I thought it was a unique situation, but it happens probably over half the time now.

It’s not like he’s getting chicken breasts or, y’know, corn on the cob or something, he usually gets the biggest hodge-podge mess of Chinese food, Thai food, etc, then gets concerned when it looks like you can’t really tell what’s in it. I get the most basic things possible at Chinese food restaurants and I’M not even sure what’s in mine. Here’s a crazy idea for him, why doesn’t he just get some…healthy food? I know I’m not one to talk, since two of my major food groups are McDonalds and PF Changs frozen dinners, but I also don’t give a shit about what goes into my body (Plus, my body kinda needs it at this point. You know how nicotine addicts’ bodies begin to need the nicotine even to function? My body is at that point, but with Chicken McNuggets). If I was worried about angering a sacred bovine deity, I would be a little more careful with my purchases.

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